Monday, February 18, 2013

This is why I blog.

On January 10th, 2010, JULIE told me to start a blog.
So I did.
THIS is the first post I ever wrote.
I didn't know what I wanted to say exactly, but knew that somehow, I would share my story.
I knew I wanted to write.

But that is not why I blog.

I discovered craft blogs.
I discovered home makeover blogs.
This was before people shared their daily outfits or linked up fashion posts.
And then a year later, those pretty style posts showed up.
I was an avid blog reader.
I sent emails to my favorite bloggers.
I joined social media and started forming friendships.
It took me over a year to understand what blogging was about.

It's all about the community.

When I reflect on my day and my head hits the pillow, I think about the posts I read that day.
I think about your families.
And your words.
I pray over you.
I appreciate you taking the time to write.
I appreciate you responding back to my comment, my email, my tweet, my update- it all means so much to me.
I may not hang out with other bloggers or be part of any specific blogging clique, but I am part of this blogging community, and I am so thankful.

But still, that is not why I blog.

On this site I am candid.
I share birthday parties and recipes.
I share babywearing and room makeovers.
I write about triumphs and sorrow and birth and death and everything in-between.
 I share my life.
Because one day I won't remember what was said on Christmas morning.
Or how I felt on a random Tuesday when my heart was bursting with happiness.
I want to document everything before it's forgotten.

When I was 22, Sedric woke me up in the middle of the night because he saw Anna Nalick's music video for the first time. 
There's a part of the song "Breathe" that says,

"2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to"


Sedric had paused the video and woke me to tell me that that was me. 
A song that had lyrics that fit me so well that it made him wake me. 
He knows how much my words mean- how much my story truly means to me. 
Sharing my story is like releasing a part of my soul that needs to escape.
And my story is so much more than what I write.
 It is not a gift to you.
It is not important to you.
It does not mean the same to you when you read my words as it does when I read my words.
I know this.

And although I assume that re-reading my posts one day will be wonderful, it is still not why I blog.

I prayed for years about continuing this site.
On more than one occassion I have hovered over the "delete blog" button.
Probably because of THIS.
On those days I wondered if anyone would even notice if I disappeared.
And if they did, would they just shrug their shoulders and move on?
Or would they reach out to me?
I may never know.
But still, I prayed.
And not long ago, in the most clear way, my prayers were answered in one word.

RILEY.

This blog is where Riley is.
You can read Riley's story HERE and HERE.
At any time of any day, someone could come across Riley's story.
Someone could be thinking about my baby without a prompt.
Without me begging.
Without me nagging people to remember.
Just a shared story.
And a reader that comes across the words I wish everyone would read.
An unforgotten baby.
That's all I want.
I just want my baby to be remembered.
Because I can't hug or cuddle Riley.
I can't show off photos.
Or share with you the silly words Riley said.
I can't plan birthday parties.
Or update you on daily happenings.
I don't have my baby.
But I have the story.
And as long as I continue this blog, Riley will be mentioned.
And thought about.
And prayed for.
And cried over.
Even if all the thoughts are mine.
Even if I'm the only one praying.
And even if the only tears shed are my own.
This is where my story is.
The only spot where my family is all in one place.
And that's all I ever want in the whole world...
All of us together.
And here at Sugar and Dots, we are all here.
Together.

So I blog.

25 comments:

  1. Thank you for that. I love and appreciate your candidness.

    I started my blog for many of the same reasons but I think most of all Ive started it because I want to discover myself. Who I am, what I enjoy and why. Not for others but for myself. I hope some day I can develop my community of followers and friends for support.

    Once Upon The Hill

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  2. I've been clicking the links and reading your story.. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes. You are beautiful and your words are beautiful. I am so sorry for your losses.

    Its funny about the Anna Nalick song, because that verse has always taken my breath away as it describes me so perfectly too sometimes..
    I suppose that's why it's so important we write..

    Thank you for your beautiful post

    Aanika X

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  3. The song breathe takes my breath away... Haha didn't mean the pun! ;) oops

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  4. Hi Kimmie!

    I found you through the $1500 giveaway! Your blog is precious. I love everything about it and the way you write. I can't wait to follow along and read more :)

    wonderfullysewn.blogspot.com

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  5. Kimmie, I am a new reader, who found your blog through the $1500 giveaway that is currently going on. Friday, I found myself engrossed in your blog for hours. I literally sat on my couch for hours reading post after post. I read Riley's story, fighting back the tears. Your story of picking up the pieces, moving past a tragic situation and remembering your sweet baby Riley is an inspiration. Thank you for not hitting the delete blog button and for sharing your life, Riley included, with us.

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  6. Beautiful. I've had my blog for over a year, but have only been consistently blogging on a weekly basis since this past January. I think I've struggled with figuring out what in the world I could blog about that would stay consistent with my "theme - beauties for your body and your abode." But I realized if I want to blog about a mommy moment, family, my faith, or what it was like the last week before my dad passed away from cancer (even though it has nothing to do with fashion or home decorating)...that I can! Not every post will be read, but I remind myself that if even just one person is inspired, that's awesome...and really, its a release for me to just get it out there! so thanks for the reminder! ...and for sharing your heart, hardships, joys and life with your readers in an authentic way!

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  7. I loved this post. I think most of us blog for a specific reason and it is not to become rich or famous. It is to share our story and be heard, or to unlock a piece of ourselves in some way. Thanks for sharing.

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  8. I hope this doesn't show up 3 times -- having so many issues trying to comment!

    You don't know me from Adam, but I love your blog, and I love you, Kimmie. I'm sure I'm one of many who look forward to your posts and laugh and cry with you. Whatever the reason, I'm grateful you blog. <3

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  9. This is perfect and I so get it. I think of your Riley and the whole story. I even found myself sharing it with my sister after I read it the first time. I have lost two babies, Jonah & Harper and it helps me so much to read other people's stories...

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  10. I'm so glad you did! You are such a blessing to me reading your blog and getting to know you is pretty awesome not to mention how much I love following you on ig, even though your pics of Frankie make me want 70,657 babies;)

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  11. Thank you for sharing Riley's story. I am a newer follower and this post just makes me like you even more. You are honest and caring and I cannot wait to read more as you continue on your blog journey. Thank you.

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  12. Thank you so much for sharing your heart Kimmie. The story of Riley brought me to tears. Miscarriages are so tough to go through, but it's so important for us mamas to remember our babies, all of them. Hugs!!

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  13. This is beautiful... Thank you so much for sharing & being so honest.... I enjoy reading your stories! Hugs!

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  14. Kimmie you never cease to amaze me. Thank you for sharing, this is such a beautiful story! Blessings to you and the family! :)

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  15. absolutely beautiful, honest, and so inspirational! you are amazing. thank you for sharing this and sharing your life with us all!

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  16. This is heartbreakingly beautiful. I'm a new reader so I am not familiar with Riley's story yet, but I know I will grow to know it as I continue reading!

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  17. HI Kimmie, I just wanted to tell you how much I LOVED this post! I love it when bloggers open up and share their whole story, their true story, no matter how difficuilt. I think we can all relate on some level and it;s so nice to know your not alone.
    I read Riley's Story and I have no words. I am so saddened for you but also feel glad that you were able to share that and that you have a place for your angel baby to remembered forever. I commend your strength Kimmie.

    Also, I struggle A LOT with anxiety and depression. I have my entire life. In fact I am in the midst of a tornado of emotions now as I have stopped taking my medication because of the pregnancy. Yet my life just seems to get harder and harder. Anyhow, I share openly on my blog about my struggles but I haven;t found many that do and I am so relived to read about your struggles too.
    Tomorrow evening I will actually be doing an "on my heart" post about my anxiety and depression at 9 months pregnant with a 2 year old and 3 year old to care for. I'd love it if you came by and read it:)
    I just adored this post!!! THANK YOU for sharing you!!!! I am so happy to "know" you!!! You are a beautiful soul Kimmie!!!! wishing you a Peaceful evening.

    xoxoxo Hanna

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  18. The idea of journaling isn't new. It's almost an innate part of being a woman - the first diary, detailing emotional highs and lows.

    But the sharing of these journal entries is what has created new communities. It sheds light in dark corners. It brings together those who would otherwise feel isolated. It is about so much more than just remembering.

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  19. ((hugs))

    I read Riley's story when I first started following you.

    Who knew 1 in 4 women will experience what we have? That number astounds me. It's been almost two years since I was in the hospital because I was pregnant with my second child, an ectopic pregnancy... and who knew it would effect me so much? I just wrote another blog post about out child just a week ago here: http://oliviaiamstilllearning.blogspot.com/2013/02/telling-your-child-about-miscarriage.html

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  20. This brought tears to my eyes, so so beautiful, your family, your story, your heart. Thanks for sharing I needed this!

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  21. Beautifully written. i can relate.
    Love your blog sweets.
    ~o

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  22. Beautiful post. I have just found your blog, and I already love it, and love reading about your love for Riley. Thank you for sharing with us.

    Some Snapshots Blog
    Jess

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  23. thank you for being you. for putting yourself out there. the world needs your beauty.

    xoxoxo.

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  24. I have just found your blog and I am inlove, thankyou for being you, and thankyou for sharing your Riley with all of us, although he may not be here, he is in alot of peoples hearts xx

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