December 7, 2012

A letter from a friend.

Two days ago, I got message on Facebook from a friend of mine.
She and I are "later in life friends"- the friend you make after never speaking in high school and finally connecting with over social media.
She has such a kind soul, and I am so thankful to have her in my life.
She first sent me a text message warning me that she was sending me a long Facebook message.
I didn't know what to expect.

I got this:
I thought about you today. I hate that I think of you whenever I think of miscarriages. But I do.
I don't mean this to be a comparison of our stories, but more so of me sharing something with you.
I was comforted to read your blog post about the struggle your marriage went through after your miscarriage. That sounds terrible, but I don't mean it that way.
See, I look at your life like the beautiful thing that it is. Sometimes it's hard to see that even the most perfect diamonds have flaws.

I could go on for some time, but I will share with you this...
At 16 years old I was 8 weeks pregnant. And I was scared to death.
My boyfriend told me I better get rid of it because he didn't have time for a baby. He was working on his band (yes, even then I realized how ridiculous that sounded).
I hoped & I wished & I prayed that the baby would go away.
And then it did.
At 16 years old, all by myself in a bathroom, I had to deliver my dead baby.
He brought me flowers.
The thing people give as a congrats, or for a celebration.
I hated myself.
I dated him another 3 years.
I never forgave him.
I never forgave him for what became of me.
This was 10 years, 1 month & 25 days ago.
I thought I was ok.

Today I was informed that my ex is having a baby.
I am not fine.
I am angry.
I am crying.
I am heartbroken.
He's having a baby. Or, another baby.

I adore you Kimmie.
You put your life out there with it's cracks & beauty. I admire you.

I don't have a blog.
I'm not as bold as you.
But I wanted you to know my story... Because I read your story & think how lucky you were to have your husband on the bathroom floor with you... And "the girl" (as you adoringly call her in the early days) in a room down the hall.
I was alone.
I haven't moved on from that baby.

I know how many people you reach with your story... But today i realized... maybe some of them share my story.
We are all part of some awful (crappy, sucky, mean) club. But some of us hold our partners hand, and some hold our empty belly alone.

You are so wise, and help so many women... I just wanted to give you my story, in case it can help or comfort someone else.
I know I feel better already.

I asked her if I could post her story on my blog, and she agreed.
(If you haven't read my story, you can read both parts HERE and HERE.)
I am posting this so that her baby is not forgotten.
So that while she aches right now, there are people all over the world who have her angel baby on their minds.
This is not a place to judge.
This is not a time to comment on decisions and thoughts that sixteen year olds have.
This is a time to let one woman share her own story and find comfort after so many years of keeping quiet.

To my sweet friend; your story is here and your baby is not forgotten.
I am praying for your broken heart.


  1. How awful for your friend... To carry that inside for so long. Prayers for her!

  2. Oh,my heart hurts for her! I pray one day she gets to hold a baby in her arms that will help heal her heart.

    I too hate our stupid club! I never ever thought I'd be a part of it. I have my own Riley and Adam waiting for me one day..........

  3. Praying for her hurt, glad you are able to offer her hope through your experience!

  4. This made me cry. My heart goes out to your friend. She is now in my prayers for God to heal her broken heart.

    To the owner of this, if you're reading this, you must know that you are stronger than you think. What you (both) went through is such a tragedy and I am so very sorry for (both of) your loss'.

  5. What a strong women your friend Is for sharing her story with you and now all of your readers and so many people beyond that. While I cannot directly relate to her (or you) I am able to try to put myself in the shoes of anyone who has lost a child. I have two healthy boys after two easy pregnancies and labors. I can't imagine my life without them and after I read these stories I make sure I hug and kiss them even more than I normally do. This makes me realize how very lucky I am to have my boys and that is something that, especially on the toughest days, is something I'm so great full for...people willing to tell their stories so other can learn and grow from them.

  6. My heart aches for your friend. I think we all deal with this type of tragedy in different ways, and it is so sweet and heart wrenching to hear her story. It inspires me to share mine, and to keep loving and remembering the babies I lost. What a sweet and poignant thing for her to share with you, and us. Please tell her thank you from the bottom of my heart, and also that though she will probably always miss the one she lost, having more will help her heart feel joy in that area again.

  7. Such an important story to share. I hope she's able to find peace.

  8. I just read your blog on your "story". Our daughter lost a baby, too. He was born alive but only lived a few hours. Our daughter and her husband were able to hold and cuddle him till he went "home". You story bought tears to my eyes, so many memories. She went on to have two more daughters, making it three. They had some very rough stops in their marriage but have managed to survive them. God be with you.

  9. I think I held my breath while reading this and your story. I'm terrified of losing a baby. I have friends and family members that have been through it and I never know what to say. We are trying and I don't really like any questions baby related.

  10. Such a raw and honest story from her past. May this post help her heal.

  11. thank you for that...{crying in my cubicle}