November 19, 2010

I will never have another 2 year old.

When you know for a fact that you will never have more children, life becomes different.
When The Girl was little, my visions of "someday" included a large family.
I saved baby clothes.
I planned nurseries in my mind.
I picked out a list of names that coordinated together.
When my baby name list was shortened to one and no longer needed, I stopped picturing "someday" in my mind.
While lying in bed with The Boy tonight, I was planning on updating my Facebook with "Kimmie is lying in her two-year-old's bed and is thankful that he is no longer in a toddler bed."
Instead, as I typed on my cell phone in the dark with a stupid little smile on my face, I suddenly realized that I will never have a 2 year old again.
Today is The Boy's birthday.
Today, meaning it is now midnight.
I will never blame a temper-tantrum on the terrible two's.
I will never again say, "she/he will be 3 in [insert month]".
I will never again shop for 2T clothing for a child of my own.
As I type, I have tears falling from my eyes, a lump in my throat, and an ache in my heart.
And yes, I know...I know...I am so very fortunate to have more than one child.
I just wish that they would stay little longer.
Really, the newborn/infant/wobbly toddler time is much too short.
Toothless grins and chubby baby legs...
Diaper-only days and tummy-time...
All of those moments flee much too quickly.

Here is the first photo ever taken of him:

And here is he is now:

I love this boy.
And I love that he is laughing hysterically in the above photo...I can practically hear it when I look at that picture.

Enjoy your day with your little ones, your loved ones, your "someday", and your "never agains"... all of those things make you the person you are.

And happy birthday, Bug.
You are such an amazing child...I am so thankful that you are mine.


  1. Happy Birthday to your boy! What a sweet and touching story...thank you so much for sharing.

  2. He shares a birthday with my hubs. Oh, but his cheeks are much cuter than my hubs. What an adorable smile!

  3. Gah, I am feeling the same way. My littlest just turned one and I have been feeling so emotional over the fact that she is now entering toddlerhood and is no longer a baby.:( I completely understand everything you said.

    Happy Birthday to your little man!


  4. Awh!! Happy birthday to your sweet, little man and big hugs to you mama!

  5. Kimmie,

    I have only recently found your blog and may have missed some of your story, but I want to encourage you not to give up on more children if it is at all possible for you. Doctors don't know everything. I have 4 children, but I also had 6 miscarriages. This was physically very hard on me, but I am still healthy now at 50 and my childbearing years are definitely over. There is a confidence at this age knowing that I accepted the good and the bad while at the same time knowing that all children are a blessing from the Lord. I know that I actually have 10 blessings. Love to you and your readers.

  6. I remember those days with my own children...the same children who are now 21 & 23 and are supplying me with grandchildren that I get to snuggle with, coo over, giggle at and then hand back when they are fussy or dirty. LOL

    I promise you, all those things you're coming into realizations of right me, enjoying those things way down the road with grandkids will be a joy you never thought possible with any child but your own.

    Just enjoy your little ones while you can and when things come full circle you can enjoy it again, in a different kind of way.

    Happy birthday, Bug! :-)

    peace & love,

  7. hola soy thebabyboy y soy de republica dominicana

  8. After reading your post from today (1/13), I had to come backward and read through some of the others so I could understand the whole story. (I haven't known your blog for too long!)

    You have no idea how encouraging all of this is to me. Of course, I'm beyond sorry for the pain and loss that you have had to endure, but I also understand the reality of THIS post SO much.

    In fact, I just finished a post last night (that will go live on Monday) that explains MY story. . Something I've not yet had the guts to share with my readers because I'm afraid saying it "out loud" will make it true.
    (As if it isn't already.)

    I have only one child -- my Little Lucy. She is three now.
    I know our situations are much different - but knowing that you never expected to be pregnant again - but that you are - just gives me hope.
    So thank you for sharing!
    All the best,
    Bec :-)

  9. I know how hard it was for you losing Riley. I lost my baby in a very similar way. It never gets easier! But reading this old post, all I can think of is you are getting that chance again! You never imagined this baby and yet, here you are preparing for Baby 5(man that sounds weird, doesn't it!?).

    You'll do great, you always do!


  10. thank you so much for sharing your heart and being open and honest! I am on my own little adventure in making peace with the fact I will have one child and one child only. our stories are no doubt different, but your words are much appreciated. :)

    much love and many blessings to you friend!